A touchy subject

Oh boy... This is like opening the box of pandora... Though... if I EVER behaved awkwardly in your presence and you wondered why, you might wanna read this.


So, it's basically common knowledge that yours truly doesn't play all too well with others. To those who are not really close to me, I often appear rude, especially when it comes to greeting habits. So here it goes, a simple explanation as to why.
(Well, not so simple maybe because thinking of it, there are so many aspects to the topic that I'd like to adress, it could get a little messy along the way...)


Apart from the fact that I just tend to completely forget to introduce myself or others, which is not the point here...
...there's this fucking hugging business.

Eeeeeeverybody is hugging everybody.
And because everybody is so used to doing that, apparently everybody expects you (ME!) to do it too. But here's the thing: I'm not a big fan of it!

I cannot count the times people have started to pout because I refused to hug them.
In one fun episode of my life, I hugged a female friend goodbye (again, not because I wanted to but because it was expected of me) and her boyfriend, which I had never ever spoken to or even met properly spread his arms and started walking towards me. Seriously, what the fuck dude! I just stood there, very confused, watching him approach, and uttered a "Uhm... No!?". And guess what, he started arguing why I would refuse him. Rude me. Really, how dare I?

I've tried a more polite approach too, believe me. Several times. It never works though. I once told a classmates friend that I would happily shake his hand goodbye instead of hugging since I didn't play the hugging game. I also told him that it was nothing personal and no sign of refusal of his personality or character whatsoever. Because really, it's not. He didn't get it. The second time I met this person, he didn't get it AGAIN. And later complained to our mutual friend about how bitchy I was..


So the question is: Why is it so hard to except that somebody doesn't want to hug you? Especially if you're basically still strangers to eachother?

I'm gonna try and explain something:

First of all, a real hug includes a level of intimacy that not everybody might be comfortable with. Like me. I'm very picky when it comes to sympathy, let alone physical or psychological intimacy. Maybe too picky, but any way, I demand you to accept it. It's as easy as that: This is my line, don't fucking cross it.
If it's not a question of intimacy to you, then, seriously, why hug in the first place?
Because to me, that's what a hug is: a very physical sign of affection, NOT just a random greeting gesture. In my book, you do it with people you actually want close to you. In a physical, yet non-sexual way, that is.

For me though, there's a second level of trouble to this matter. Put in simple words: I don't like being touched. Here's where it gets harder to explain, but bear with me.
I do not enjoy random physical contact. It might be part of my 40% sociopathic personality (I took two different semi-legit tests online and they said 40 and 44 percent, so I like to believe there's something to it haha), but I have a different, less insane theory: I actually think it's caused by a physical condition I'm very likely to have: my muscle tone is higher than normal. Now, mind you, this is not a serious illness or anything bad. Basically it means that in a relaxed state, my muscles are more tense than the average persons muscles would be. To give you an example of a result, my hands are usually closed instead of my fingers just slightly curled in a relaxed moment. When walking, I tend to clench my hands around my sleeves or any other item at hand. My MP3 player, cellphone or a can of maze, that depends :P
(Funny enough, this is often seen as a sign of insecurity too. Get your shit together, psychology...)
But back to topic: Most unintentional contact you make in a crowded place is very light, a brush of the hand, a quick stroke, somebody squeezing through a gap next to you. To muscles that are rather tense, this is an unpleasant sensation. Aaaaand so is a light let's-try-to-touch-as-little-as-possible-hug (because to my experience, that's how most hugs go about in the first place because as we learned, they are not ment to be signs of affection but merely a greeting because you're expected to do it, remember?).

Are you beginning to see the problem yet? :P


Now, before my friends who I do hug on a regular basis start freaking out: Relax.We're good. I think I've come to a level of self-awareness where I would actually tell you no if I really had a problem with hugging you. Hell, I might even enjoy hugging you hello and goodbye if we've been hanging out for a while. ;)
(Just remember to apply at least a little pressure so my muscles don't get all confused haha...)

Then again, one meets new people every now and then. And here's where it becomes aaaaaall difficult again. From when on is it ok to offer hugs? Should I hug this person in the first place? Do I want to? What if I do it now and don't do it next time, will it be weird? Maybe I'm alone with this, but that's what actually happens in my head when I've met a friendly person more than, let's say, three times.

And what's even more annoying to me: I've caught myself "forcing" a hug onto others. Me! Being the one who initiates it while sensing it might now be "appropriate" or wished for by the other person. And all the while thingking "Body, wtf are you doing???"

So... As a result to my musings about hugging: If you consider me a friend and a goodbye scene has been awkward either due to hugging or the lack of it, please please please just file it under the oddities that come with being associated with me and don't worry about it ever again.

But still...
What happened to good, solid handshakes? Or even high fives? Hell, I love high fives. Can we please bring high fiving back to life? Or even freaking cheesy secret handshakes?
Seriously though, I'm extremely happy that a) I'm not french where people rub their faces together pretending to kiss (THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN HUGGING!!!) and b) this horrible custom never reached those close to me. I've seen teens do it nowadays, even guys with guys, and I'm sorry but it's just not right...



And then there's general touching. Oooooh boy.

Same thing basically applies, to me it's unpleasant, odd, and most of all a breach of my personal space.
You all have that overly touchy friend. The one who puts their hand on your arm or leg during every other sentence.
With me, there's a very clear rule for that: Don't fucking do it.

Now I've tried to explain this to several people several times. One guy went as far as to tell me there had to be something really wrong with me because we humans are driven to eachother and we should enjoy touching and whatnot. And since I said I didn't like these things, I had to be insane.

No, no, NO! I mean, yes, the guy was right in what he said. But these are NOT the same things! Yearning for tender snuggling and human interaction is definitely a good thing, Hell, I do that! Cuddling is fun, for example, among other things (mee-hehehe). I'm a cuddle monster when it comes down to it.

And while - with people I cherish - I have no issues whatsoever with being piled up on a sofa during a movie night with some buddies, resting my head on somebodys shoulder, leaning on someone, punching or pushing somebody whenever they deserve it or do any sort of activity that justifies physical contact (like, what the hell do I know, arm wrestling or some such), any unneccessary contact is strictly to avoid. I'm not gonna bitchslap you if it happens, but as soon as it get's too much, I might just tell you to get your freaking hands away from me. And believe me, I will. I do. I did recently and guess what, the person understood, made fun of it and ever since behaved perfectly fine. Best case scenario!



Phew... I think, so far I've covered it all.
I really wish I could just print this and hand it to every person it might apply to. Because I know I will be explaining this over and over and over again. Well, maybe in the future I'll just send folks the link to this. Fuck awkward communication. ;)

So, to my real life friends, I guess: Untill we meet again, hugging or not. :P At least now you should know why I do what I do.