People, Part II - an epic internet win

I try to stay out of internet arguments. Internet arguments are comparable to kids throwing sand at eachother. They are pointless and pathetic, especially when they are public. Because in public, you have to win at any cost, right?

Oh well, every now and then, I get dragged into one. Just like in this story:


Scenario: A page on the internet where people share their crafting skills, tutorials, and knowledge about things. Kindof off-topic, we once started a discussion about whether to stretch your ears or rely on fake plugs. It was a heated discussion, but mostly peacefull, untill the most amazing thing happened: Some Teen joined in saying that we're all going to die.

No kidding.

Well... To be honest, she 'only' told us that stretching your ears can and VERY probably WILL end DEADLY. Because of infections and whatnot. And she said she had doctor friends who knew this for a fact (yeah, go ahead, the doctor friend part made me giggle too...).
At first, I was like "lol!", asking how I had managed to not ever hear about this allthough having quite a bunch of friends with stretched lobes who were frolicking around just fine. She got quite aggressive on how I and everybody else going 'lol' was utterly stupid and she knew better.

After loling around for a bit, I tried facts. As in how the native tribes who have stretched random parts of their bodies under NO sanitary settings whatsofuckingever for decades have not gone extinct yet.

As internet trolls work, she didn't like facts. What happened afterwards is a nice occasion for a ragetoon...

I swear,

Apart from the sudden, irrational topic switch, how much more win can you expect? A girl trying to be really mean to you actually giving you a huge compliment? Oh well, it has happened a few times over the years. ;)

She did later apologise for her utterly dumb comment. In private. And wanted to smalltalk about photography. I gracefully ignored the later.

Random things III

I did this a while back and never published it. Why the hell? Here you go, anyways.


1-How are you?

Lazy mostly. A kickass procrastinator at work. Wait... That sounds wrong...

2-Post a picture of yourself.
No. :D

3-Do you ever wish you were someone else?
I never wish to be a specific other person. I do, however, even though I'm quite happy with who I turned out to be, sometimes wish I had a slightly different set of characteristics. ;)

4-What is your entire name?
Jinx Alice Marsh, nice to meet you.

5-How old are you?

24. *sigh*

6-Age you get mistaken for:

Mostly younger.

7-Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:

Actually some parts of my horoscope are really really true, others not so much.

8-What did you do on your last birthday?

That's a mighty good question.

9-What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?

A trip to the hospital I'm dead afraid of...

10-What is your hair color?

Mostly brown with a variety of purple, blue, green and blonde. Which is fun because I actually only used purple, blue and pink hair dye. *shrugs*

11-Have you ever dyed your hair?

*points upwards*

12-What is your eye color?

Bambi.

13-If you could change your eye color, would you?

Well.......... I'd love to have intense green eyes but I guess mine are pretty enough to keep them. ;)

14-Do you wear contacts/glasses?

I should.

18-Do you have any tattoos?

Nope.

19-Do you have any piercings?

Plenty.

20-Left or right handed?

Right.

21-What’s your sexual orientation?

Straight like a steel pipe. xD

22-Do you drink?

I'd rather not.

23-Do you smoke?

No. Eww.

24-Do you have any pets?

No. :(

25-Where do you work?

At a madhouse...

26-Something you are working on right now:

My graduation. A CD cover picture. My room. the dishes. The to-do-List never seems to clear up.

27-Do you have any “rules” about food?

If it looks weird, don't eat it. xD

28-Where are you from?

My mommys tummy.

29-What would you say is your best quality?

I'm a good listener. I guess.

30-What do you think you’re really good at?

Snappy comments.

31-What do you think you’re really bad at?

Math.

33-Are you a bad person?

Why yes.

34-Are you nice to everyone?

Nope. Though I'm not openly rude to every stranger, I'm not overflowing with sympathy for humanity either.

36-Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

Oh hell yes.

37-What is your ideal bed? Why?

Big. With my man in it. Because we both need space and I really like to have him around, aye?

38-Did you wake up cranky?

When, today? No.

39-Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?

I do have some, but it's not like I need to cuddle them to fall asleep.

40-What do you think about the most?

Uhm...

42-What you want to be when you “get older”?

Happy.

43-What are your career goals?

Be the coolest teacher of my school haha.

44-What is your ideal career?

See above.

If I could snap my fingers and be AWESOME though I'd be a freelance artist with lots of money so I never had to worry about that ever again haha.

45-Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

No.

46-Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Over and over and over.

47-Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
I think I did as a toddler.

48-Say 10 facts about your room:

- messy

- overall nicely set up

- a little too small

- with too little storage

- overflowing with clothes and jewellery

- black and white as far as I can influence it

- easy on decorative clutter

- not made for more than two visitors at a time x)

- It has a floor heating system *nods*

- I'm running out of stuff to say...

  Wait, one more... It has an AWESOME panorama poster on the main wall. :D

49-Do you have any phobias?

No medically proven ones. :P

50-Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?

Once in primary school. That poor woman must have had the most boring day ever since, surprise, I seemed to be pretty fucking normal back then.

51-Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?

What? I'm not gonna tell you my biggest weakness O_O

52-Ever broken any bones?
Aye.

53-Ever come close to death?

Not that I know of.

60-Do you have a facebook?

I most certainly do.

61-Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Plenty.

62-Describe yourself in one word/sentence:

Charming. Haha.

63-A quote you try to live by:
Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made.
Oscar Wilde. Oh yes, I did it, I quoted Mr. Wilde. Boo-fucking-hoo. xD

64-A famous person you’ve been compared to:

Dr. House haha.

65-Weird things you do when you’re alone:

Sing.

66-Something you do without realising:

Breathe. Blink. The usual stuff.

68-Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:

Meh... Being a guy - any guy - for a day might be fun...

Favorites

70-What is your favorite thing to do?

Livelaughlove.

71-What’s your favorite color?

Purrrrrple.

73-What’s your favorite movie?

Oh my oh my... There are sooo mayn awesome movies out there...My #1 movie recommendation is always The Fountain though.

74-What are your favorite books?

Stephen King - Salems Lot

75-What is your favorite quote and why?

"Es ist an der Zeit, schreiend im Kreis zu rennen" - it's time to run around screaming. Because it's awesome, that's why.

76-What is your favorite word?

Man, I'm a logophile, words make me happy. I could never choose my "one favorite word"!!!

77-What is your least favorite word?
Ampel, which means traffic light in german.

78-What is your favorite type of food?

Sushi and chinese food.

79-You favorite ice cream?

Chocolate.

80-What’s your favorite animal?
Cats, hands down, I'm a crazy old cat lady in the making!

81-Dogs or cats?

Cats, cats, caaaaaaaaaaaats all the way.

82-Describe your favourite texture:

Oh wow. I never ever thought of that before! Let's get that going... I like perfectly smooth surfaces as much as old and rugged wood. I love brushed metal as much as satin or the structure of tattooed skin. I like grainy things like sand and salt and rubble and I love, love, LOVE the feeling of soft grass under my feet.

83-What is your favorite flower?

Orchids.

84-What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?

I like the smell of Amber and cinnamon, strawberries and coconut. On men, I don't care about a special perfume, however if your pheromones speak to me, you better run. ;) I was able to smell my biggest crush yet from the next room!

85-What is your favorite season?

Late summer/early fall.

86-What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?
'Murica. Rome, again. That weird cathedral with the interiors made completely out of bone. Asia, generally. Stonehenge.

87-What are four things you can’t live without and why?

- my headphones, because I would go rampage if I had to listen to random conversation every time I left the house.

- Strawberries, beause a life without strawberries has to be a very sad life!

- Love. Meh!

- A variety of pens.

88-Which mythological creature are you most like? Why?

Lol uhm... I think I'm something between a troll and a pixie XD

89-What’s your favorite television show?

How I met your mother, wheeeeee!!!

90-Favorite place to shop at?

uhm...

91-Say 2 facts about your favorite things:

o.O Uhm...


Friends

106-Would you ever smile at a stranger?

My job forces me to. Out in the open, I sometimes do if the situation calls for it.

107-Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Boys, puh-lease!

108-Who is someone you never tire of?

Oh I'm sure he knows. xD

109-Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

Yes.

110-Who is your most loyal friend?

Well you never know how loyal people really are now, do you? :P

111-Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

I think there is, which doesn't mean that I do.

112-If your best friend died, what would you do?

Cry my freaking eyes out.

113-Something you’ve lied about.

Being able to handle life. Because honestly, I'm not. Someone come here and take care of me *rolls into a ball*

114-Have you ever felt replaced?

Aye.

115-Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):

They're fun. They know how to make me smile no matter what. They are, without any exception, completely insane. They seem to know my need for personal space and are able to keep it. And I love them.


Relationships

116-The last person you hugged?

My significant other.

117-Story of your first kiss?

Stolen by a drunk idiot.

118-Do you like kissing in public?

I don't do public face-eating. Little smoochies however are perfectly ok and I love either doing it or seing happy couples do it.

119-Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Why yes.

120-You have a preference for boys or girls?
o.O We covered that.

121-Is the male or female body closest to perfection?

In comparison to what? Folks, this is a really really stupid question.

127-What is the first thing you noticed in someone?

Height. Naturally.

128-Are looks important in a relationship?

Sorry to be blunt but yes. And I don't even mean that in a rude way or anything. I'm just saying that to be with someone, you have to think of them as being physically attractive TO YOU in whatever way.

129-What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Is self esteem superficial?

130-What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

Whatever floats your boat... As long as you stay all legal.

131-Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

I'd rather not.

133-Do you have a crush on anyone?

Always.

134-A description of the girl/boy you like:

He's the perfect big spoon haha.

135-Say 1 fact about the person you like:

He has the most irritating eye colour. I keep trying to define it and I keep failing.

136-If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
"Wait what?"

137-When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

must have been on monday... ugh wait, I have to take care of something real quick....

138-Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Well yeah...

139-Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Dunno. :P

140-Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Why yes.

141-Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

What girl never did?

142-Anyone you’re giving up on?

Nope.

143-Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Haha... uhm... Well... sorta?!

144-Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Lol yes.

145-Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

No.

146-Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Kinda.

147-Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Almost.

148-Is there someone you will never forget?

This is booooring...

153-What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Make me tea when I'm ill? Place their hand on my tummy when I was hurting? I could go on and on.

154-What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Pancakes. Anyone.

157-Are you in love?

Why yes. I think that's clear by now.

158-Are you in a relationship?

Yeeees for gods sake...

159-If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

*sigh*

160-Are relationships ever worth it?

Good ones are.

161-Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Lol yes.

162-Can you commit to one person?

Easiest thing ever.

163-Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I... I actually think I've topped that... quite a bit...

164-Do you ever want to get married?

Meh, why the hell not.

165-Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I don't know, I don't wanna know yet, I don't need to rush anything.

167-Do you get jealous easily?

Nope.

168-The last time you felt jealous, and why?

Meh.

169-What is your definition of cheating?

Physical contact due to affectionate reasons. Boom. It's over.

170-Have you ever been cheated on?

I'm pretty sure I have been.

171-Do you forgive betrayal?

Neverrrrrrrr!

172-Have you ever cheated on someone?

Nope.

173-Why did your last relationship fail?

Because the guy was a moron wheeeeeee xD

174-Things you want to say to an ex:

Well... No need to throw mud...

175-A description of the person you dislike the most:

hmmm... I dislike most of humanity with equal measure...

176-If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Actually Idid. Several times haha.

177-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

*drummroll* Two. Shocked yet?

178-How long was your longest relationship?
8 years and counting, fuckers!

179-You’ll love me if…

you make me.

180-Share a relationship story:

"They started out trying to beat the crap out of eachother. They lived happily ever after. The end."


Music, movies and books

181-How often do you listen to music?

24/7.

182-What kind of music you like?

Oh my... it goes from classical or overly dramatic orchestra music to Rock to some pop songs to EBM and all sorts of hard rhythms.

183-Do you like to dance?

Yes, yes, YES!

185-Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Yes, on purpose.

186-Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past:

"Cold black days" by Atrocity will always remind me of the Summer '05.

187-A song that’s been stuck in your head:

Today it was "Walking in Memphis" and I really can't tell you why.

188-Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:

Faithless - Insomnia

189-A book you want to read/have recently read:

I have two Kings on my to-read-List...

190-Describe your dream library:

Huge. Only hard covers, the older the better. Worn-looking. A comfy chair and a fireplace.

191-Last movie you just watched:

James Bond - A View to a Kill

192-Do you like watching what type of movies?

...huh?

I like movies where stuff blows up. I tend towards easy entertainment. Deep, heavily atmospheric movies are something I need to watch in private (in case I have to cry ;)).


Situations and crazy things

193-You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?

Orchids.

194-What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?

Assault.

195-If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?

Whoa... A kender would be fun. Nobody who goes though major life threatening things please. A heros sidekick, maybe. In a fantasy setting, with some fun super powers.

196-You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you 

give it to?

Some educational establishment I guess...

197-If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

hmm...

198-If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?

Something poison haha.

199-If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

I wouldn't do that...

200-You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating 

your arch enemy?

Hahahahhahahahahahaha.... man, this is awesome........ Oh god and now I can't think of anything... Oh god, the pressure.................. haha...

201-If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?

I couldn't tell you, but I can tell you that it won't have no free falling, no sudden downward movements and no overhead elements.

202-What is the first curse word that comes to mind?

F*ck.

203-What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be…

Last party... uhm... St. Paddys day. Dunno about the next one though.

204-Halloween costume idea?

Zombiiiiiiiiiie wohooo

205-How would you spend ten thousand bucks?

Oh my oh my... I'd buy a crapload of pretty things and then start to actually think about it. ^^

206-Press ctrl+v and post:

https://twitter.com/wortliebhaber

207-Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for ten years or someone you 

hate for a month? Explain why.
Well the one-month hate thing might be way easier to handle. You could either avoid eachother which I'm pretty good at or just get rid of the other person which I might as well be able to do XD

208-5 things within touching distance:

- my camera

- a sharpie

- a glass of water

- a makeup brush. Wtf?

- my phone.

209-A drunken story:

"Mom... I'm drunk, I really need to sleep..."

210-What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Oh so many things -____-

211-Currently wanting to see anyone?

Awww yes...

Credit where credit's due.

Yes. This is very much not planned. And very much not what I ever wanted this blog to be about. It did, however, strike me out of nowhere that I need to get this out there:

There are three people out there who deserve to have their faces chiseled on the side of Mount Everest. Large enough to be seen from outer space. At least.

Hans Zimmer.
Clint Mansell.
and
Alan Silvestri.

Now... if you have not heard these names before, never talk to me again. And step into a pit of quicksand. Because I'm pretty sure that you have enjoyed at least some of their achievements without apparently paying them the credit that is due.
Because there three guys are without a doubt in my mind the greatest composers the world has ever seen. Really. Screw Beethoven, hell, even screw Tchaikovsky (who, if you don't know that either, is awesome. Google him!). These guys are better.
And you don't even have to be into classical music to be into it.

I began my love for soundtracks with Requiem of a Dream, really. It's soundtrack was the first ever that I actuall noticed as such, music you could listen to without the annoying distraction by the movie.
So, for a while, Clint Mansell - who is responsible for the tunes, was my utter hero.
I mean, come on, he made this:

What kind of human being is not touched by the magnificence of this incredible buildup??? This song, allthough I've heard it about 5 million times, still gives me the goosebumps!

Now, in numbers alone he hasn't done all too much, but the sheer quality of his composings makes up for the "lack" in quantity.

For example, he made the Soundtracks for:

2000 Requiem for a Dream (well, d'oh!)

2005 Doom (actually, I did not know that untill I researched it just now. Yay! Extra points for awesomeness!)

2006 The Fountain (omgomgomgomgomg!)

2006 Smokin' Aces

aaaaand of course

2010 Black Swan (oh hell yes!)

The next soundtrack I really noticed as such was a rather obvious one, it was this:

Now, this masterpiece was brought to us by Hans Zimmer, and for the first time ever, I started searching the internet for a soundtrack composer to see what else he did. Oh and what a list this guy has to show!

My favorites (since 2000, everything else might get out of hand):

2000 Gladiator (very high up there in my personal ranking!)

2001 Black Hawk Down
2001 Hannibal (come ON!)

2003 Pirates of the Caribbean

2005 Batman Begins (might be one of my favorite ongoing soundtracks, actually!)

2006 Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest

2007 Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End

2008 Batman: The Dark Knight (apparently, the Batman people liked him just as much as I do)

2009 Sherlock Holmes (the movie sucked, the music was still great though)

2009 Illuminati (again, stupid movie, awesome soundtrack)

2010 Inception

2011 Pirates of the Caribbean - On Stranger Tides

2012 The Dark Knight Rises

This is quite amazing, right? Right.

Now, to my shame I have to admit that with the last musical hero on my list, I have been quite ignorant for a while. I saw a movie, heard a good soundtrack and kiiiindasorta automatically implied "Yeah, must be Hans Zimmer. What a genious!"

But just today, I discovered that a bunch of soundtracks that I really liked were in fact made by Alan Silvestri instead.

How I found out, I hear nobody ask?

Well, I was watching Top Gear (love that show!!), heard a tune that I knew, liked but couldn't quite connect with a movie at once, headed over to a page that identifies songs used in TV shows (oh-so-usefull!!!) and stopped dead. The page only listed the composers name and the name of the song. NOT the movie. Which means I still didn't know what I was really looking for, just that Zimmer wasn't among the listed people. Soooooo I went over to youtube to find this:

Oh my oh my! The last 17 seconds alone are freaking amazing! So, as of today, Alan Silvestri completes the Trinity of Awesome.

HIS list is rather nice to look at, too:
2001 The Mummy Returns

2003 Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The cradle of life

2004 Van Helsing (VAN FUCKING HELSING! I LOVE THAT SOUNDTRACK!!!

2007 Beowulf 

2010 A-Team - The Movie

2011 Captain America: The First Avenger

2012 Marvel's The Avengers

Man... Nice work!

The truly amazing thing about classical soundtracks (as opposed to random songs by random bands fitted to the pictures) as I see it is this: It's not just beautifully written music, but it has a very hard job: It HAS to evoke a very specified sort of emotion for the listener. Ever seen a scary movie without the background music? It's fucking BORING. So the job for these guys is to go about creating a song that makes you feel happy, uncomfortable, thrilled, scared or sad and all of that in a very limited setting - the motion picture. I can't imagine how hard this is, which makes the results as we hear them even more incredible.

Another lovely side effect of listening to soundtracks: It takes you places.

Yes, you could argue that of course your brain connects the music you hear to the images you see, especially if you've seen a movie more than once, but that can't be the punchline. Hell, I've BEEN at the Shire, the Matrix, the Caribbean with the characters, all the while sitting, eyes closed, in a dirty subway somewhere in germany. Just look at some of the comments on youtube, there are lots and lots of people writing things like "This makes me feel like I'm a spartan!"... You cannot down-science this with sheer associations.

Oh well... I think I've made myself clear: Never. EVER. Underestimate a soundtrack. And do listen to it for funsies. If you're feeling funky, try to analyse what it's doing to you. And why. And how. And most of all...

* * *

...lean back and enjoy, here are my favorite pieces of cineatic sound-art...

Always capable of brining me to tears... as is this:

well, this one pretty much covers it for Zimmer, right? ;)

oh god this is just heavenly...

notice the tapping sound? For me, this has a highly uncomfortable feel to it. Like the heartbeat of a tiny frightened being.

This is utterly beautiful. When I heard it the first time, I was a bit confused by the slightly oriental touch and wasn't sure if it fitted the movie very well... But screw that, listening to it, don't you just wanna close your eyes and levitate for a bit?

I would have loved to include the track "Journey to Transilvania", but Youtube and the stupid GEMA decided that this might in some way harm anyone.

On to the work of other people...

This one HAS to be here. I used to fall asleep to the The Fellowship Soundtrack. I love the hobbits/shire theme the most. This music is powerfull, it fits incredibly well with the theme and is an opera by itself and thereby almost wasted on a movie.

Ooooh Danny Elfman. <3

to be continued.

A touchy subject

Oh boy... This is like opening the box of pandora... Though... if I EVER behaved awkwardly in your presence and you wondered why, you might wanna read this.


So, it's basically common knowledge that yours truly doesn't play all too well with others. To those who are not really close to me, I often appear rude, especially when it comes to greeting habits. So here it goes, a simple explanation as to why.
(Well, not so simple maybe because thinking of it, there are so many aspects to the topic that I'd like to adress, it could get a little messy along the way...)


Apart from the fact that I just tend to completely forget to introduce myself or others, which is not the point here...
...there's this fucking hugging business.

Eeeeeeverybody is hugging everybody.
And because everybody is so used to doing that, apparently everybody expects you (ME!) to do it too. But here's the thing: I'm not a big fan of it!

I cannot count the times people have started to pout because I refused to hug them.
In one fun episode of my life, I hugged a female friend goodbye (again, not because I wanted to but because it was expected of me) and her boyfriend, which I had never ever spoken to or even met properly spread his arms and started walking towards me. Seriously, what the fuck dude! I just stood there, very confused, watching him approach, and uttered a "Uhm... No!?". And guess what, he started arguing why I would refuse him. Rude me. Really, how dare I?

I've tried a more polite approach too, believe me. Several times. It never works though. I once told a classmates friend that I would happily shake his hand goodbye instead of hugging since I didn't play the hugging game. I also told him that it was nothing personal and no sign of refusal of his personality or character whatsoever. Because really, it's not. He didn't get it. The second time I met this person, he didn't get it AGAIN. And later complained to our mutual friend about how bitchy I was..


So the question is: Why is it so hard to except that somebody doesn't want to hug you? Especially if you're basically still strangers to eachother?

I'm gonna try and explain something:

First of all, a real hug includes a level of intimacy that not everybody might be comfortable with. Like me. I'm very picky when it comes to sympathy, let alone physical or psychological intimacy. Maybe too picky, but any way, I demand you to accept it. It's as easy as that: This is my line, don't fucking cross it.
If it's not a question of intimacy to you, then, seriously, why hug in the first place?
Because to me, that's what a hug is: a very physical sign of affection, NOT just a random greeting gesture. In my book, you do it with people you actually want close to you. In a physical, yet non-sexual way, that is.

For me though, there's a second level of trouble to this matter. Put in simple words: I don't like being touched. Here's where it gets harder to explain, but bear with me.
I do not enjoy random physical contact. It might be part of my 40% sociopathic personality (I took two different semi-legit tests online and they said 40 and 44 percent, so I like to believe there's something to it haha), but I have a different, less insane theory: I actually think it's caused by a physical condition I'm very likely to have: my muscle tone is higher than normal. Now, mind you, this is not a serious illness or anything bad. Basically it means that in a relaxed state, my muscles are more tense than the average persons muscles would be. To give you an example of a result, my hands are usually closed instead of my fingers just slightly curled in a relaxed moment. When walking, I tend to clench my hands around my sleeves or any other item at hand. My MP3 player, cellphone or a can of maze, that depends :P
(Funny enough, this is often seen as a sign of insecurity too. Get your shit together, psychology...)
But back to topic: Most unintentional contact you make in a crowded place is very light, a brush of the hand, a quick stroke, somebody squeezing through a gap next to you. To muscles that are rather tense, this is an unpleasant sensation. Aaaaand so is a light let's-try-to-touch-as-little-as-possible-hug (because to my experience, that's how most hugs go about in the first place because as we learned, they are not ment to be signs of affection but merely a greeting because you're expected to do it, remember?).

Are you beginning to see the problem yet? :P


Now, before my friends who I do hug on a regular basis start freaking out: Relax.We're good. I think I've come to a level of self-awareness where I would actually tell you no if I really had a problem with hugging you. Hell, I might even enjoy hugging you hello and goodbye if we've been hanging out for a while. ;)
(Just remember to apply at least a little pressure so my muscles don't get all confused haha...)

Then again, one meets new people every now and then. And here's where it becomes aaaaaall difficult again. From when on is it ok to offer hugs? Should I hug this person in the first place? Do I want to? What if I do it now and don't do it next time, will it be weird? Maybe I'm alone with this, but that's what actually happens in my head when I've met a friendly person more than, let's say, three times.

And what's even more annoying to me: I've caught myself "forcing" a hug onto others. Me! Being the one who initiates it while sensing it might now be "appropriate" or wished for by the other person. And all the while thingking "Body, wtf are you doing???"

So... As a result to my musings about hugging: If you consider me a friend and a goodbye scene has been awkward either due to hugging or the lack of it, please please please just file it under the oddities that come with being associated with me and don't worry about it ever again.

But still...
What happened to good, solid handshakes? Or even high fives? Hell, I love high fives. Can we please bring high fiving back to life? Or even freaking cheesy secret handshakes?
Seriously though, I'm extremely happy that a) I'm not french where people rub their faces together pretending to kiss (THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN HUGGING!!!) and b) this horrible custom never reached those close to me. I've seen teens do it nowadays, even guys with guys, and I'm sorry but it's just not right...



And then there's general touching. Oooooh boy.

Same thing basically applies, to me it's unpleasant, odd, and most of all a breach of my personal space.
You all have that overly touchy friend. The one who puts their hand on your arm or leg during every other sentence.
With me, there's a very clear rule for that: Don't fucking do it.

Now I've tried to explain this to several people several times. One guy went as far as to tell me there had to be something really wrong with me because we humans are driven to eachother and we should enjoy touching and whatnot. And since I said I didn't like these things, I had to be insane.

No, no, NO! I mean, yes, the guy was right in what he said. But these are NOT the same things! Yearning for tender snuggling and human interaction is definitely a good thing, Hell, I do that! Cuddling is fun, for example, among other things (mee-hehehe). I'm a cuddle monster when it comes down to it.

And while - with people I cherish - I have no issues whatsoever with being piled up on a sofa during a movie night with some buddies, resting my head on somebodys shoulder, leaning on someone, punching or pushing somebody whenever they deserve it or do any sort of activity that justifies physical contact (like, what the hell do I know, arm wrestling or some such), any unneccessary contact is strictly to avoid. I'm not gonna bitchslap you if it happens, but as soon as it get's too much, I might just tell you to get your freaking hands away from me. And believe me, I will. I do. I did recently and guess what, the person understood, made fun of it and ever since behaved perfectly fine. Best case scenario!



Phew... I think, so far I've covered it all.
I really wish I could just print this and hand it to every person it might apply to. Because I know I will be explaining this over and over and over again. Well, maybe in the future I'll just send folks the link to this. Fuck awkward communication. ;)

So, to my real life friends, I guess: Untill we meet again, hugging or not. :P At least now you should know why I do what I do.

Random Things, II

Oh god, I woke up way too early today...


If your life was a typical action movie, the soundtrack would be:

Intro: Marily Manson - (This is) The new shit... Probably cheesy as hell, but it makes for a nice slo-mo entry scene. ;)

Birthday Party:  Katzenjammer - a Bar in Amsterdam XD

Romance between protagonists: Tricky - Hell is round the corner... Yeah ok, The Transporter 3 got to me there... big time...

Sex scene: Ah crap, there are so many "sexy songs" out there... Chester Bennington - System / Puscifer - RCV 22:20 / Depeche Mode - Behind the Wheel / ...

A big loss: Jason Walker - Down

Conflict: In Extremo - Stalker

Tragedy: VNV Nation - Illusion

Hero rising again: Hatebreed - I will be heard

Killing enemy theme:  Korn & Skrillex - Get up... the first few seconds are pretty much enough. :D

Outro: Björk - Army of me

***

Take this survey

1. What is your legal name?
This is none of the internets concern. :)

2. How do you say it?
It's simple. The actual spelling is what seems to be impossible...

3. Why did your parents decide to name you this?
I guess my mom was into flowers... Meh... :D

4. What other names were they considering?
Well they added two extra names so I guess there weren't that many left to consider...

5. Were you born first, middle or last?
2nd and thereby last.

6. When is your birthday?
in 6 months and a bit.


Friends

1. Who are your best friends?
I don't rank my friends.

2. Do you tell your best friends everything or do you keep things from them?
Everybody gets a piece of the Puzzle that is me...

3. Are you friends with an ex gf/bf?
Lol ah hell no.

4. Do friends come before family? 
Meh..

5. Do most of your friends go to your school?
Nope.

6. Do you have more friends or more aquaintences?
I'd rather call MOST of the people I know aquaintences...

7. Whos the person you have stayed friends with the longest?
Phew... Good question...

8. Does your best girlfriend come before your boyfriend?
Sorry, but nope. xD Bros before hoes hahahahaha.

Family

1. Name the people you live with:
My alter ego. o.O

2. Which parent are you closer to?
No can tell. They both rock

3. Why?
Beeeecause they both rock. xD

4. Are you close to your siblings?
Nope.

5. Who in your family do you not like so much?
Dad's side.

6. Is family your first priority?
As opposed to what?

7. Do you go on vacations all the time?
Nope..

8. Upper, middle, or lower class?
Upper. And I also snort cocaine on my private flight to my private little island.


Your house

1. What does your house look like?
It's a big lump of missmatched architecture.

2. One, two, or three stories?
4. BOOYA.

3. Describe your room in detail:
a mess.

4. How long have you lived in this house?
About three months?

5. Are the rooms big enough?
Yessir.

6. Does your house have hardwood, tile or carpet?
Tile.

7. Do you like the state you live in?
I haven't tried other states yet so what the heck...

8. Is your house in a neighborhood?
Uhm... yes... o.O


Music

1. List three of your favorite bands/musicians:
Ah jesus... Uhm... Depeche Mode, Johnny Cash, The Doors

2. Now, list your favorite song by them:
Right now? "Behind the wheel", "Hurt", "Alabama Song"

3. What was the last concert you went to?
Uhm... Stoppok. <3

4. Do you listen to music 24/7?
Almost. :D

5. What are your favorite song lyrics?
I like the lyrics of Alex Clares Trading Water...

6. Do you and your friends listen to the same type of music?
Mostly.

7. Who are your favorite singers?
David fucking Draiman o______o

8. What do you think is good dance music?
Drum&Bass xD


WHAT IF?

1. You were given a million dollars right now?
I'd buy a bunch of new gadgets like a new laptop, a new cellphone, a new everything.

2. You got pregnant?
Oh my... that would be... inconvenient...

3. You could only eat one food for the rest of your life?
I'd die of malnutrition, simple as that.

4. You were chosen to be on Fear Factor?
???

5. Your boyfriend cheated on you?
Well... "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn", right?

6. You had one day to live?
That's one hell on an ugly question. :(

7. Your best guyfriend told you that they love you?
Awkward...

8. You broke your leg?
I'd make people sign my cast yaaaaaaaaaay hahahaha.


Movies

1. What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
The Hobbit

2. Was it good?
THEY FOOLED ME!!! I missed the fact that they broke it into several parts. xD

3. Do you go to the movies or rent them more often?
*harrumphs* stream...

4. How much does a movie ticket cost where you live?
Too damn much. o.O

5. Do you get snacks at the movie theater?
If I had that million dollars we talked about earlier, I might...

6. Do you like cliche movies even though they are so predictable?
Meh... Depends.

7. Popcorn or Candy?
POPCORN *love*

8. Have you snuck food in the theater?
Yessir.

Random

2. What do you like in your coffee?
Milk & sugar.

3. How have you changed in the past year?
Enough to be proud.

4. How much have you given up for the person you love?
Well... hmm... A steady amount of nookie, that's for sure. XD

5. What books are on your summer reading list?
Errrr lots and lots and lots. :D

6. What would you change about your life if you could?
Dunno...

8. Does anyone look up to you?
Apparently some people over-idealize me. I don't get it.
And then again, there are actually some digital artists who say that they do, which is really nice to hear...

2012

Sooooo... New year and all that...

But before we get started, on a side note: You know what's funny? My last post about attractive features holds the record on the highest amount of hits of all my posts so far. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED? xD



But back to topic.
So we all acknowledge that the world didn't end and we all have to deal with yet a new year, yet a new challenge not to screw up every time you have to write down dates. You can't help but look back, right?


2012 has been quite an interesting year for me, and a year dominated by change.

For instance, I'm living on my very own for the first time... and I'm actually still alive! Eeeverybody seemed to be scared I'd either starve or die from a junk food overdose OR suffocate in my own mess. While my tidyness has not really changed for the better, neither of the food fears have come true. Go me!

The whole moving issue also means I'm pet-less for the first time since I was 18. So sad. Now I can't pretend I'm talking to the cats when I'm actually talking to myself. Bummer. I miss the little buggers soooo much. :(

Also, yours truly, the little Miss Sociopath, got a job working in retail. With people. PEOPLE! Now, since I'm already planning on putting this into its very own post (oh my god it's gonna be so good...) I'm not gonna go into detail. But hey, it's an actual job and not one of the shoot-me-in-the-head dull activities I got paid for so far. So yay!

Talking about work, my pseudo-job as a digital artist has taken quite a spin to a more professional direction, thanks to a friend who apparently believes in what I do. Which is plain awesome. I'm really freaking excited about the things to come in 2013. Stay tuned for some fun things.

There has also been some important change in the overall "people" section.
Basically, it's interesting to see how I got closer to some people I've known for a while, met some very interesting, exciting new folks along the way and pushed others far, far away. And each of these developments has prooven to be good and healthy & I wouldn't have it any other way. It's fair to say that I've become more egoistic in choosing my company, picking only the people that I know are good for me. Bad behaviour? Maybe. But I'd rather be mean and healthy than ever-so-polite and uncomfortable to an extend that makes me mentally vulnerable. I'm also avoiding the drama that comes with certain people because, sorry guys, I have to spend most of my energy on, well, me, and the matters that are actually important.



So... 2013... Where do we go from here?

I'd like to get the whole photography thing back to where it was before 2012 (it has been a slow, slow year on that matter) and also get back to the digital work I've been dodging for the last months.
Also, I'm looking forward to my first paycheck. ;) I'm not gonna start buying random shit just because I can, but it'll surely be nice to be able to get, dunno, maybe an actually working cellphone, haha. I might even get one of these magical gadgets without buttons and all that... :P

And as usual, I'm going to try and make this MY YEAR. The circumstances are good, so look out, 2013, here I come...

What the hell is this blog all about?

 This blog was created in june 12. Ever since then...
...nothing happened.

But HERE we are. My first entry. Whee!

...why, for heavens sake? WHY?
I didn't plan to start blogging. Because what the hell, that's why. On the other hand, it always seemed like a fun thing to do. So... why not try it. I -think- my life is interesting enough to be in a blog, haha.
I had one other attempt on blogging, in german, and I made it to... 5 posts I think. But the concept was too limited and though it was fun, I just stopped at some point.

...and why now?
because... you see, before today, I had stuff happen. Lots of stuff. School, mostly, tons of papers that were all due WHILE I was moving out of my old place and into a brand new me-only one. Also, I was busy pushing people out of my life. Cause here's a not-so-secret secret about me: I'm extremely good at that. Me and people? Doesn't mix. But that's a completely different story...
As of today, I'm done moving. My papers are all sent. I'm actually on vacation in my most favorite (german) city, Berlin. And I'm done doing nothing for a change.
And since my laptop and tablet are 600 kilometers away and I can't push pixels around, I decided on starting this. For real this time.

Soooooo it's all new.
New semester.
New place.
New attempt on... things.
Well that's about it, but it's a start, right?

...so... what are you going to post about?
 Easy question: RANDOM THINGS! Wheeee!
I didn't want to limit myself on a topic. Soooo... this is going to be about...

•  Life, the universe, and everything.
• craft projects, as soon as I get back to that.
• (my) (digital) art. Art makes me happy!
  
• nail designs. Awwwww. I can't fucking help it!
• pictures, pictures, pictures.
• people (this is not going to end well!)
• and a lot of other things that run through my head. And believe me, there's a lot going on up there. Hell, I might even finally get stuff off my chest that has been bugging me forever. Like the concept of "self help books" about a better sex life! That's one to look forward to xD

...aaaand who the frick is supposed to read all of this?
Well uhm... uuh... I guess....... well a few loyal friends might check in every now and then. Plus, on this note, hi stalkers, this is the perfect way for you to catch up on my life after I mastered the arts of "facebook privacy". So these will lurk around here too I'm sure.
And then every once and again there's the poor person who stumbled upon this by accident.
If at some point I actually do get these "following" people, give me a holler. I might get some joy out of it.
(Disclaimer: Contains, ahem, explicit language and most probably every now and then 18+ content. Keep your kids away xD)

But let's face it, I'm doing this for my very own pleasure only. Because I'm an egocentric brat. :D
Plus, I just really, really like to write. I even like writing more than I like talking, and that sure means a lot.

What's with the blog title? Are you transgender or what?
Ok... So... apart from the rocksolid fact of girl parts, the question of my (psychological) gender has been heatedly discussed among friends and foes. I think we all agree that somewhere along the way, something went wrong. Put me in a room with more than 2 girls and somebody's going to die. Take me "shoe shopping" or any such thing and surely I'll die. Ask me about this seasons trends? I most probably won't know what the hell you're talking about. Fashion talk? You might as well be talking about physics, I won't friggin get a word! I still start giggling at the word "clutch".
I'd rather hang with the guys. They, as far as I know, consider me one of them. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

But there is, in fact, proof that somewhere in my brain, a girl is hiding. A girl that loves nail polish, Monter High Merchandise and shoes. And... ok that's about it. ;)


Uhm, so I am in fact NOT stuggling with my gender. If you are and you find this blog to be somewhat... offensive, I'm honestly sorry. I'm an offensive type of person, but this wasn't the point.

So... ya... Let's see where we go from here!