Wait, what?

May somebody please explain to me why this blog is being swamped with visitors from random unpleasant amateur porn pages?

Did I, like, miss a memo or something? o.O

Nailart, Part 2.

You know, it's kinda funny, most of my posts are about how much of a broody fucked up gremlin in a cave I am - and then I go along and post something like this. Nail designs all butterfly and cotton candy-ish. I'm so twisted! *throws arms in the air and runs around in circles*

Anyways, here we go.

Wohoooo, the Avengers 2.0!!!

I can't ever seem to wait to take and post these pics untill I cleaned up the mess around the nails... Smart little me.

I'm wearing this right now. Wheeee!

 Here's some sort of step-by-step. You're welcome.

step 1) create a gradient.

step 2) add silver (or whatever) stripes with a fan brush. Purdy, purdy.

step 3) moar stripes. I chose the colour I used for the gradient. My accent nail also has pink stripes.

Oh by the way... With all the people stealing other peoples pictures and all that shit... Do you know how you can tell these are all mine? Simple. Look at the bigass fucking scar on my middle finger. xD Little kid me had to play with big brothers pocket knife. xD

People. Working in Retail.

I promised it, you probably didn't want it, you get it anyways – a sociopaths musings about working in retail.

(DISCLAIMER: I love this job. I love the fact that I HAVE this job. I enjoy the company of my colleagues and my boss, they are all very very lovely people and I sincerely mean that. I just couldn't do it forever and every now and then I get frustrated.)

Let me tell you one thing first: It's FUN! If you didn't think humanity was fucked yet, try a retail job. You won't be disappointed.

You will meet the most different types of clients. OF COURSE the majority is a bunch of nice people who just choose a few items, maybe ask you something, are very polite and wish you a nice day when they leave. And I'm really happy they exist, I'm nice to them, they make me smile. But those people aren't much fun talking about, right?

So there are others. The bitchy, the stupid, the rude ones. The ones that make you snap. The ones you'd really like to bitch-slap every now and then. And then again, there are those who don't deserve your anger but make you wonder what the hell kind of world we live in.

Now, most of my friends know how I am with strangers. Or people in general. I've been asked "How do you DO it?" Easy: An insane amount of self control. I try to lock Sociopath-Me in as best as I can. It still speaks to me and does really, really funny things in my head, definitely. But most of the times I manage not to actually SAY these things out loud. One quite amazing coping mechanism I use is the “Client of the day” award. This can go either to amazing or to freakishly annoying people, depending on who outdoes who on any given day (I might list a few fun people later on). Plus, you're never alone in the store for longer than 30 minutes so you can always vent with your coworker.

To give you an insight to my suffering, I invented another coping mechanism called the “annoying client categories”. If you find yourself among any of them, shame on you.

The Digger:

Diggers are the most frequent and probably most exhausting kind of annoying client.

The Digger in general is the type of creature who unfolds EVERYTHING, even if they have no intend of buying ANYTHING. I almost get it. We have a lot of t-shirts with picture or wording prints. Naturally, if a shirt is properly folded, you can't read or see the whole print, so it does make sense to pick up and unfold the shirts. What I don't get is what often happens afterward. Some folks neatly fold them again and put them back where they belong. Thank you, stranger, I'd love to give you a medal. Some folks try to at least put them back half-neatly. Those still deserve a smile and points for trying.

The Digger, however, doesn't give a fucking shit about the things as soon as it's seen them. It just randomly throws back the item that has just been picked up, sometimes not even on the right pile. Which is NOT that hard.

There are different danger levels when it comes to digging, though.

Code Lemony Green: Drop things tangled back on the right pile.

Code Yellow: Divide the stack picking a shirt your size, unfold, drop and put the other neatly folded shirts back on top. Wtf?

Code Orange: Pick, unfold, drop at ANY random place in the store (like a mens shirt next to the bikinis because you just decided you don't want it anymore. Alternatively: hang things that are on hangers somewhere random. Not only do I have to deal with your mess, I also have to FIND it first which mostly happens by coincidence and thereby not very often.

Code I-want-to-hurt-you-real-bad-Red: Find a pile of shirts you want to look at. (We stack the same shirts on a pile, smallest size on top, largest size on the bottom.) Unfold EVERY! SINGLE! ONE! of these absolutely identical shirts and then just leave a tangled mess behind. I swear this has happened. Best variation: Don't even try on any of them. Just create a mess and walk away. Thanks, really, I love you.

Code “Just what the fuck, really”: When bringing back stuff from the changing cabins, put a neatly folded shirt back where it belongs – but it's tuned left side out. What? WHAT?

The Crammer:

The Crammer is of roughly the same species as the Digger, only that its habitat resolves not around folded shirts but everything that is stored on clotheshangers.

Now, the right way to put hangers back is this: Look where it belongs. It goes where something looking the same is placed. Good so far. Ok, now push the other hangers on the rack slightly to either side to make a little space. Put the hanger straight in the space you created, making sure the hanger is parallel to its brothers and not poking under or over another. Thanks, go on.

But...

The ways the Crammer puts hangers back where it took it from (if even!) are indescribable. Really, I would have to attach pictures to make you feel the ultimate horror a Crammer causes. I wonder how it manages to create the chaos that it leaves behind. Imagine a rack with about 5 hangers completely GORDON-KNOTTED to eachother (I know it's plastic and you can't knot it, but work with me here...), 3 of them dislocated so badly that whatever was on them has now slipped to the ground, 2 of them sticking out so everybody walking by will eventually get stabbed by them, and the little satin ribbons that help keeping stuff on the hanger all slung around every extremity of the hanger-creature that the Crammer gave birth to. The only thing to do here is try to dislocate the whole row, throw it on the floor, jump on it a little and cry.

The Dropper:

It happens. You brush by something and an item drops from the hanger. If just the fabric slips and you are looking somewhere else at the time, I totally understand you not realizing it and just walking past. We're good. If you drop a hanger, however, it makes a noticeable sound. The only way I let this slip is if you're either on the phone or wearing headphones. Or you're deaf. But I've also had people drop something, quickly look if I've seen it, and if I appear to be preoccupied (I'm good at faking that!) just keep on going without picking it back up. Really, what the hell? Classic Dropper. And I don't get it. It mostly happens with young clients, but I've seen grownups do it.

The Public Changer:

Apparently, at our store, the changing cabins are hard to find. Not for me, but I keep being asked if we even have any. Some people, however, don't even try finding them. They seem to mistake the mirrors inside of the main store as a replacement for the changing cabins. I do get that if you're just trying on a jacket real quick. But if you pick something up, walk in front of the next mirror, try it and then decide you're also a code orange Dropper, screw you. A LOT of times, I find a whole stash of random clothes right next to one of our main mirrors (funny enough it's the one closest to the cabins!). Plus, guys, if you try on a shirt over your own shirt and then decide to take it back off, remember that it's really likely that your belly will show during the process. And, surprise, that's not necessarily something the workers or clients need to see. Don't be a Public Changer, the cabins and some privacy ain't that far away.

The Latie:

We close at 2000. Sharp. If you come in at 1956, please do not expect me to present the whole store to you. Instead, I will very clearly tell you that there's no time to try anything on anymore, and when it's 1959, I WILL insist on you stopping your crouching through the store and coming to the register. “But you still have to be here anyways” is NOT a good point. I've heard it anyways.

The Nester:

The classical Nester is the type of creature that takes shopping very serious. Meaning they try on a LOT of stuff. In some rare cases, the Nester will ignore the “unwanted clothes hanger point thingie” (???), bring about 90% of stuff back by itself and actually put it in the right place, maybe even if it's folded and all. That's a GOOD Nester.

Bad Nesters, however, are a different thing. And yet again, there are different levels of frustration available

Code Lemony Green: Be so damn unaware of your body that you need to bring ALL AVAIABLE sizes of one item to the cabins. Happens with Bras, also happens with everything else. I've seen tiny, tiny girls pick up extra large sized jackets. Honey? No. Just no.

Code Yellow: Try on 50 different items, leave them lying and hanging around. I mean, I desire your dedication, but it's a lot of additional work for the workers, and especially if you decide to buy zero items afterward, we tend to get a little frustrated with you.

Code Light Orange: Put stuff out of the cabin onto the return-stash... but do it in 2 seconds. Which leaves me with a bundle of tangled clothes and a pile of hangers. Or clothes that have been put back on the hangers in ways I just don't understand. Left side out, knotted to it, some folks have even just poked the hanger through the fabric if it allows such action. What the hell?!

Code Dark Orange: Decide you want to put things back yourself. Realize you can't find its original place. Put it somewhere else and hope nobody notices – instead of just leaving it at the return-stash. (See, this case is really close to the “Code what the fuck, really?” Digger. My theory is cross-breeding!)

Code Red: Try on a crapload of stuff. Leave the stuff in the cabin. On the floor. On a big pile. Leave the hangers basically everywhere. I've seen it, I swear. Mostly happens with teen clients.

On a side note, I have to say that I prefer people using the return thing instead of trying to put everything back themselves and then messing up. :/

The Returner:

Sure, it is every clients right to give stuff back if it doesn't fit, match something they bought it to match with in the first place or if it simply falls apart after one wear.

But of course, that's not always what happens.

There are three kinds of Returners:

Chronic Returners, which, as you may guess, are creatures you see very often and who buy stuff very often... and then give it all back the next day. Or even just half of the stuff. Because they decided otherwise. They don't do any harm whatsoever, but it's still slightly annoying...

Angry Returners. Oooooh, a fun species. These are the people who, just as an example, manage to destroy their item at home and then come back to return it – and they get extremely angry at ANYTHING you do, most probably as a defense mechanism.

Ask for the receipt and they don't have it? It's MY fault. I never gave them the damn thing, of course.

Ask them to please write down their name and address so you can enter it into the needed documents? How do I DARE demanding their personal data.

Can't read the name because it looks like chicken scratch? I'm stupid, obviously.

Politely tell them that for whatever reason, you can't take the item back (destroyed, dirty, worn out, blabla)? FUCK ME AND SOME OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS!

The whole thing takes too long (It does take a few minutes because the cash register requires a lot of data input and whatever)? Impatience and a lot of annoying comments, which, surprise, don't really help speeding up the whole thing.

THIS category might have the potential to make me snap at some point, I'm sure of that. Just the other day, one lady almost managed to. Sociopath-Me suggested to strangle her with the belt she tried to return – without a receipt, of course, and DEFINITELY worn more than once. Did I mention the thing had already been on discount and she bought it for 2,99€? Not surprisingly, she got a Client of the Day-Award!!!

And then there is the Stupid Returner. It's only purpose in life is to try and return stuff I CANNOT and will not take back. Like piercings and earrings. Newsflash, darling: No normal store in the freaking world is allowed to take those back due to hygienic reasons. I'll happily tell you why I can't do it, I might as well be very graphic about how this item has been poked through an artificial hole in your body that might very probably not be sterile. I might even elaborate on how it's not sterile. You're welcome.

The Whiner:

Probably my favorite.

There is no way to generalize this category, these come in all shapes and colours. They do, however, mostly show up among the Returners category.

But even if they aren't returning anything, the Whiner will always find something to complain about. And they never hesitate to give you a part of their opinion. Ever. I've had people whine about:

• us not having chairs in the store. Seems legit, but holding on to yammering after I explained how and why is not really productive. I'm not a wizard, I can't MAKE you a chair either. Sorry.
• a tiny TINY fault in the (really stupid) print on a 5,99€ shirt. Jesus Christ, lady, pick another one for Gods sake! (Funny enough, at one occasion, a lady I tried to get to just take a different one with the same size came back to the register with no less than 5 or 6 shirts in her hand. Confused, I gave her a look aaand that remarkable woman listed extremely minor flaws on each of the shirts, asking me to either take them out of sale or label them with a discount price. Said flaws were things like a loose thread sticking out of a seam. One of them actually just had a tiny flock of fabric stuck to the print.
• the quality of our clothes. You know, our clothes are rather cheap. There's only so much you can expect. If you're standing at my register, keeping on yammering about how bad this print is going to look after washing it once and how your son isn't going to enjoy this for long, I always feel the urge to suggest the following: DON'T BUY IT!!!
• us not selling larger sizes than XL (42 and 44). Now, in case you don't know that, no store like ours does. In fact, everything larger might have to be sought for in special clothing stores. I'm almost sorry you're too large for our largest shirt. But again, after I explained, keeping on venting isn't going to summon a size XXXL shirt. Ever.
• us not selling SMALLER sizes than XS. Not having the kid sizes on the clothes, too. Let me put it very clearly: We're NOT a kids store. Our XS is really really small, yes, but we're NOT obliged to put toddler-size numbers on anything.
• me not being able to tell their sizes just by looking at them. As in “Which jeans size do I need?” Sorry, I'm sure some people are able to do it. I can't. If I could, I'd be at a very exclusive tailoring studio, not helping out at a random teenie store. I'm happy to help you figure it out, but I have to guess at first just like you seem to have. Wait, why exactly don't you know your freaking size???
• us running out of sizes. It's the law of resources and interest, there's little I can do about that. Asking me 20 times if we might still have the desired item back in the storage is not productive.
• the kind of clothes/prints we sell. As if me or even my Boss could change anything about that. The amount of times Moms have whined in my ear about this stuff is countless. See “The t-shirt of Evil” for a fun example.
• us not selling the kind of clothes you re looking for. You are aware that I cannot change that, right? Right??
• the music at the store. Hold your horses, ma'am, I PROMISE you, if I could change something about that, I totally would.
• Prices. It happens. I've had a female stunned by the 150+ bucks she had to pay, she was convinced I had to be wrong because everything was so cheap. But darling, buying 25 cheap items adds up.

The Second-Guesser:

Now, I don't like this in outside-of-my-job-life either. I'll tell you that much: If my colleague or boss correctly answered your question, turning to me asking me the very same thing is not affective. Asking me (or somebody else, for that matter) if what she said is true is just motherfucking rude. Don't! Don't put yourself in this category.

And as I mentioned, asking me the same thing again and again might most probably not change the answer. If I told you once that we very seldomly hold things in storage and your item is definitely NOT among them, I'll happily tell you the SAME thing the second and third time. Also, when I say “I don't think we still have this in storage.”, you asking “Are you sure?” also seems rather rude. Really, next time I'll just say “Of course not” and walk away.

That, however, does not mean that when in doubt, I MYSELF would not turn to a coworker or my Boss for help answering your question.

The Bad Decider:

As much as I'd love to make this about people who pick up very unflattering and inappropriate things, the Bad Decider is a species that decides to be insecure about their purchase THE MOMENT I ENTER EVERYTHING INTO THE REGISTER! When it's basically too late. I mean, yes, I am ABLE to cancel the process, but JESUS CHRIST, you're a GROWN-UP, I expect you to be able to decide on that shit before you go to pay for it!

Also, of course you have every right to ask me for help picking out things and deciding between this and that, but I don't know your style. Don't ask me weird questions about if the thing you picked up represents your personality.

The Un-Mother:

I get that women with children need clothes, too. And I do get that you would love some peace and quiet while looking for some. That, however, does not allow you to

• let your kids roam freely through the store, which always ends in a catastrophe (and then probably yell at me for nicely telling your kids not to do this or that)
• just leave your Stroller anywhere. Especially if your toddler is really really unhappy and YELLING and screaming bloody murder. TAKE CARE OF THE LITTLE FUCK, YOU'RE HIS MOM FOR CHRISTS SAKE!
• “park” your kid at the cash register for the nice lady working there to watch over it. Not my job. I will happily let your kid tell me about its day at the kindergarden, I might even explain what I'm doing and whatnot, but I will NOT look after and entertain your offspring for 30 minutes. Except if you pay me extra for it and maybe give me a job as a babysitter after I have been fired for not doing my job properly.
• give your kid some sort of snack to shut it up and then stop caring. That snack will eventually end up crumbled all over our store floor. Same goes for spilled juice – if a little food accident happened in the changing cabins, fucking tell us. We won't behead you! We will, however, behead you if you just move on and the next client screams at us because the cabins are in such a dire state of disorder.
• let your kin climb onto my register. Or even place it there yourself. It. Is NOT. A bench (only exception: You have a toddler and have been stupid enough not to bring a carrier of sorts and need any of your hands for a change). You wouldn't believe how often it happens. It gets even funnier if your kid is just as stupid as you are and is boycotting my work by putting its hands everywhere that could possibly be in my way. Again, if I have to tell your kid to please stop what it's doing and you dare to snap at me for it, I'll staple your face!

The Flirter:

Urgh.

You can guess what that is about.

Now, when I started working in retail, a friend told me to expect a LOT of being hit on by clients. Actually, it doesn't happen that often. To me, at least, haha. Anyways, the point is, when it happens, it's incredibly awkward in 90% of all cases (apart from the fact that being hit on is pretty awkward anyways...). Like so:

• The guy flirting with you could be your father or even your grandfather
• The guy has his wife or girlfriend with him.
• The guy has his kids standing next to him.
• The guy is just horribly bad with words.
• The guy is just violently unattractive. Sorry, but eww. :(
• Also available in any imaginable combination of the above. Worst combination yet: the guy being older than my father, unattractive (really short but making up for it in width), bad with words aaaaand his sons were roundabout my age. They might have been more embarrassed than I was...

I just had a man hit on me the other day. Now, he was subtle about it, he was really attractive, confident (the guy was at least 3 inches smaller than me. Points for courage! :P) but HIS DAUGHTER WAS TRYING TO PICK UP SOME SHORTS! She was maybe 12. And so adorable! And also being on the phone with her mom. This is just WRONG! Kids aren't that stupid. What the heck is your daughter supposed to think when daddy is being confusingly nice to a woman that's not her mommy?

The “Smart”:

The “Smart” will try to fool you into selling it an already rather cheap item for even less money. For example they nibble off a “Sale”-Label from another piece of clothing, put it on a different item and then demand to pay exactly what this label says. Let me tell you a secret: If you do that to a shirt that I JUST unpacked, that is brand new and therefore most definitely not on sale, it's really dumb. And I will not hesitate on telling you exactly that.

The “Smart” will also try and cheat when returning something. Or stuff like that.

And then, of course, there are creatures like Thieves, Bubblegum-Droppers, everything that will annoy you at any given job on any given day. *sigh*

If I ever come up with more categories, I'll let you know.


EDIT: NEW CATEGORY!
The Reserver!
The Reserver  is another really special kind of person. It wants to buy things - but not now!
It happens. You see something you really want but you are in a hurry, or you didn't get this months pay yet or want your kin/special someone to look at the item with you tomorrow and the such... Those people are people, not Reservers.
The Reserver, again, comes in different sub-species.
The Mass-Reserver for example brings a SHITLOAD of stuff to the register, asking if you could put it on hold for them. Ooooof course I can.
The CHEAP Mass-Reserver does the same thing. But... Wait a second, the stuff you do not want to buy now but at some point eventually is on sale. "I am sorry, Ma'am, I cannot reserve items on sale for you." Oh boy. Oooooh boy. They NEVER understand that. Discussion insues. Frustrated client leaves. Fuck you, client, I don't need you anyways. Thanks for leaving everything in a mess for me to put back where it belongs.
The Indecisive Reserver tends to bring the same item in three different sizes because they neither know their size nor want to try them on now. Ugh.
The Asshole Reserver brings an unspecified amount of things and never comes back to pick it up. And a week later they come back in and try again with different items. OR they name a date untill when they want to pick it up, come back in WAY later and start bitching that their item is gone.

Whatever they bring, whoever they are, the discussion at the register is the same in 90% of all cases:
"Can you hold this for me?"
"Sure, when can you come pick it up?"
"Well how long can you hold it?" Ok, at this point, you lost. I try to avoid answering this question. Because AS SOON AS YOU SAY "Up to a week." they go "A week it is, then!" Urgh.

Ragequit, Miss M. out.

People, Part II - an epic internet win

I try to stay out of internet arguments. Internet arguments are comparable to kids throwing sand at eachother. They are pointless and pathetic, especially when they are public. Because in public, you have to win at any cost, right?

Oh well, every now and then, I get dragged into one. Just like in this story:


Scenario: A page on the internet where people share their crafting skills, tutorials, and knowledge about things. Kindof off-topic, we once started a discussion about whether to stretch your ears or rely on fake plugs. It was a heated discussion, but mostly peacefull, untill the most amazing thing happened: Some Teen joined in saying that we're all going to die.

No kidding.

Well... To be honest, she 'only' told us that stretching your ears can and VERY probably WILL end DEADLY. Because of infections and whatnot. And she said she had doctor friends who knew this for a fact (yeah, go ahead, the doctor friend part made me giggle too...).
At first, I was like "lol!", asking how I had managed to not ever hear about this allthough having quite a bunch of friends with stretched lobes who were frolicking around just fine. She got quite aggressive on how I and everybody else going 'lol' was utterly stupid and she knew better.

After loling around for a bit, I tried facts. As in how the native tribes who have stretched random parts of their bodies under NO sanitary settings whatsofuckingever for decades have not gone extinct yet.

As internet trolls work, she didn't like facts. What happened afterwards is a nice occasion for a ragetoon...

I swear,

Apart from the sudden, irrational topic switch, how much more win can you expect? A girl trying to be really mean to you actually giving you a huge compliment? Oh well, it has happened a few times over the years. ;)

She did later apologise for her utterly dumb comment. In private. And wanted to smalltalk about photography. I gracefully ignored the later.

Random things III

I did this a while back and never published it. Why the hell? Here you go, anyways.


1-How are you?

Lazy mostly. A kickass procrastinator at work. Wait... That sounds wrong...

2-Post a picture of yourself.
No. :D

3-Do you ever wish you were someone else?
I never wish to be a specific other person. I do, however, even though I'm quite happy with who I turned out to be, sometimes wish I had a slightly different set of characteristics. ;)

4-What is your entire name?
Jinx Alice Marsh, nice to meet you.

5-How old are you?

24. *sigh*

6-Age you get mistaken for:

Mostly younger.

7-Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:

Actually some parts of my horoscope are really really true, others not so much.

8-What did you do on your last birthday?

That's a mighty good question.

9-What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?

A trip to the hospital I'm dead afraid of...

10-What is your hair color?

Mostly brown with a variety of purple, blue, green and blonde. Which is fun because I actually only used purple, blue and pink hair dye. *shrugs*

11-Have you ever dyed your hair?

*points upwards*

12-What is your eye color?

Bambi.

13-If you could change your eye color, would you?

Well.......... I'd love to have intense green eyes but I guess mine are pretty enough to keep them. ;)

14-Do you wear contacts/glasses?

I should.

18-Do you have any tattoos?

Nope.

19-Do you have any piercings?

Plenty.

20-Left or right handed?

Right.

21-What’s your sexual orientation?

Straight like a steel pipe. xD

22-Do you drink?

I'd rather not.

23-Do you smoke?

No. Eww.

24-Do you have any pets?

No. :(

25-Where do you work?

At a madhouse...

26-Something you are working on right now:

My graduation. A CD cover picture. My room. the dishes. The to-do-List never seems to clear up.

27-Do you have any “rules” about food?

If it looks weird, don't eat it. xD

28-Where are you from?

My mommys tummy.

29-What would you say is your best quality?

I'm a good listener. I guess.

30-What do you think you’re really good at?

Snappy comments.

31-What do you think you’re really bad at?

Math.

33-Are you a bad person?

Why yes.

34-Are you nice to everyone?

Nope. Though I'm not openly rude to every stranger, I'm not overflowing with sympathy for humanity either.

36-Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

Oh hell yes.

37-What is your ideal bed? Why?

Big. With my man in it. Because we both need space and I really like to have him around, aye?

38-Did you wake up cranky?

When, today? No.

39-Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?

I do have some, but it's not like I need to cuddle them to fall asleep.

40-What do you think about the most?

Uhm...

42-What you want to be when you “get older”?

Happy.

43-What are your career goals?

Be the coolest teacher of my school haha.

44-What is your ideal career?

See above.

If I could snap my fingers and be AWESOME though I'd be a freelance artist with lots of money so I never had to worry about that ever again haha.

45-Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

No.

46-Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Over and over and over.

47-Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
I think I did as a toddler.

48-Say 10 facts about your room:

- messy

- overall nicely set up

- a little too small

- with too little storage

- overflowing with clothes and jewellery

- black and white as far as I can influence it

- easy on decorative clutter

- not made for more than two visitors at a time x)

- It has a floor heating system *nods*

- I'm running out of stuff to say...

  Wait, one more... It has an AWESOME panorama poster on the main wall. :D

49-Do you have any phobias?

No medically proven ones. :P

50-Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?

Once in primary school. That poor woman must have had the most boring day ever since, surprise, I seemed to be pretty fucking normal back then.

51-Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?

What? I'm not gonna tell you my biggest weakness O_O

52-Ever broken any bones?
Aye.

53-Ever come close to death?

Not that I know of.

60-Do you have a facebook?

I most certainly do.

61-Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Plenty.

62-Describe yourself in one word/sentence:

Charming. Haha.

63-A quote you try to live by:
Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made.
Oscar Wilde. Oh yes, I did it, I quoted Mr. Wilde. Boo-fucking-hoo. xD

64-A famous person you’ve been compared to:

Dr. House haha.

65-Weird things you do when you’re alone:

Sing.

66-Something you do without realising:

Breathe. Blink. The usual stuff.

68-Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:

Meh... Being a guy - any guy - for a day might be fun...

Favorites

70-What is your favorite thing to do?

Livelaughlove.

71-What’s your favorite color?

Purrrrrple.

73-What’s your favorite movie?

Oh my oh my... There are sooo mayn awesome movies out there...My #1 movie recommendation is always The Fountain though.

74-What are your favorite books?

Stephen King - Salems Lot

75-What is your favorite quote and why?

"Es ist an der Zeit, schreiend im Kreis zu rennen" - it's time to run around screaming. Because it's awesome, that's why.

76-What is your favorite word?

Man, I'm a logophile, words make me happy. I could never choose my "one favorite word"!!!

77-What is your least favorite word?
Ampel, which means traffic light in german.

78-What is your favorite type of food?

Sushi and chinese food.

79-You favorite ice cream?

Chocolate.

80-What’s your favorite animal?
Cats, hands down, I'm a crazy old cat lady in the making!

81-Dogs or cats?

Cats, cats, caaaaaaaaaaaats all the way.

82-Describe your favourite texture:

Oh wow. I never ever thought of that before! Let's get that going... I like perfectly smooth surfaces as much as old and rugged wood. I love brushed metal as much as satin or the structure of tattooed skin. I like grainy things like sand and salt and rubble and I love, love, LOVE the feeling of soft grass under my feet.

83-What is your favorite flower?

Orchids.

84-What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?

I like the smell of Amber and cinnamon, strawberries and coconut. On men, I don't care about a special perfume, however if your pheromones speak to me, you better run. ;) I was able to smell my biggest crush yet from the next room!

85-What is your favorite season?

Late summer/early fall.

86-What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?
'Murica. Rome, again. That weird cathedral with the interiors made completely out of bone. Asia, generally. Stonehenge.

87-What are four things you can’t live without and why?

- my headphones, because I would go rampage if I had to listen to random conversation every time I left the house.

- Strawberries, beause a life without strawberries has to be a very sad life!

- Love. Meh!

- A variety of pens.

88-Which mythological creature are you most like? Why?

Lol uhm... I think I'm something between a troll and a pixie XD

89-What’s your favorite television show?

How I met your mother, wheeeeee!!!

90-Favorite place to shop at?

uhm...

91-Say 2 facts about your favorite things:

o.O Uhm...


Friends

106-Would you ever smile at a stranger?

My job forces me to. Out in the open, I sometimes do if the situation calls for it.

107-Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Boys, puh-lease!

108-Who is someone you never tire of?

Oh I'm sure he knows. xD

109-Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

Yes.

110-Who is your most loyal friend?

Well you never know how loyal people really are now, do you? :P

111-Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

I think there is, which doesn't mean that I do.

112-If your best friend died, what would you do?

Cry my freaking eyes out.

113-Something you’ve lied about.

Being able to handle life. Because honestly, I'm not. Someone come here and take care of me *rolls into a ball*

114-Have you ever felt replaced?

Aye.

115-Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):

They're fun. They know how to make me smile no matter what. They are, without any exception, completely insane. They seem to know my need for personal space and are able to keep it. And I love them.


Relationships

116-The last person you hugged?

My significant other.

117-Story of your first kiss?

Stolen by a drunk idiot.

118-Do you like kissing in public?

I don't do public face-eating. Little smoochies however are perfectly ok and I love either doing it or seing happy couples do it.

119-Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Why yes.

120-You have a preference for boys or girls?
o.O We covered that.

121-Is the male or female body closest to perfection?

In comparison to what? Folks, this is a really really stupid question.

127-What is the first thing you noticed in someone?

Height. Naturally.

128-Are looks important in a relationship?

Sorry to be blunt but yes. And I don't even mean that in a rude way or anything. I'm just saying that to be with someone, you have to think of them as being physically attractive TO YOU in whatever way.

129-What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Is self esteem superficial?

130-What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

Whatever floats your boat... As long as you stay all legal.

131-Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

I'd rather not.

133-Do you have a crush on anyone?

Always.

134-A description of the girl/boy you like:

He's the perfect big spoon haha.

135-Say 1 fact about the person you like:

He has the most irritating eye colour. I keep trying to define it and I keep failing.

136-If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
"Wait what?"

137-When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

must have been on monday... ugh wait, I have to take care of something real quick....

138-Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Well yeah...

139-Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Dunno. :P

140-Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Why yes.

141-Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

What girl never did?

142-Anyone you’re giving up on?

Nope.

143-Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Haha... uhm... Well... sorta?!

144-Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Lol yes.

145-Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

No.

146-Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Kinda.

147-Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Almost.

148-Is there someone you will never forget?

This is booooring...

153-What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Make me tea when I'm ill? Place their hand on my tummy when I was hurting? I could go on and on.

154-What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Pancakes. Anyone.

157-Are you in love?

Why yes. I think that's clear by now.

158-Are you in a relationship?

Yeeees for gods sake...

159-If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

*sigh*

160-Are relationships ever worth it?

Good ones are.

161-Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Lol yes.

162-Can you commit to one person?

Easiest thing ever.

163-Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I... I actually think I've topped that... quite a bit...

164-Do you ever want to get married?

Meh, why the hell not.

165-Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I don't know, I don't wanna know yet, I don't need to rush anything.

167-Do you get jealous easily?

Nope.

168-The last time you felt jealous, and why?

Meh.

169-What is your definition of cheating?

Physical contact due to affectionate reasons. Boom. It's over.

170-Have you ever been cheated on?

I'm pretty sure I have been.

171-Do you forgive betrayal?

Neverrrrrrrr!

172-Have you ever cheated on someone?

Nope.

173-Why did your last relationship fail?

Because the guy was a moron wheeeeeee xD

174-Things you want to say to an ex:

Well... No need to throw mud...

175-A description of the person you dislike the most:

hmmm... I dislike most of humanity with equal measure...

176-If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Actually Idid. Several times haha.

177-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

*drummroll* Two. Shocked yet?

178-How long was your longest relationship?
8 years and counting, fuckers!

179-You’ll love me if…

you make me.

180-Share a relationship story:

"They started out trying to beat the crap out of eachother. They lived happily ever after. The end."


Music, movies and books

181-How often do you listen to music?

24/7.

182-What kind of music you like?

Oh my... it goes from classical or overly dramatic orchestra music to Rock to some pop songs to EBM and all sorts of hard rhythms.

183-Do you like to dance?

Yes, yes, YES!

185-Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Yes, on purpose.

186-Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past:

"Cold black days" by Atrocity will always remind me of the Summer '05.

187-A song that’s been stuck in your head:

Today it was "Walking in Memphis" and I really can't tell you why.

188-Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:

Faithless - Insomnia

189-A book you want to read/have recently read:

I have two Kings on my to-read-List...

190-Describe your dream library:

Huge. Only hard covers, the older the better. Worn-looking. A comfy chair and a fireplace.

191-Last movie you just watched:

James Bond - A View to a Kill

192-Do you like watching what type of movies?

...huh?

I like movies where stuff blows up. I tend towards easy entertainment. Deep, heavily atmospheric movies are something I need to watch in private (in case I have to cry ;)).


Situations and crazy things

193-You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?

Orchids.

194-What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?

Assault.

195-If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?

Whoa... A kender would be fun. Nobody who goes though major life threatening things please. A heros sidekick, maybe. In a fantasy setting, with some fun super powers.

196-You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you 

give it to?

Some educational establishment I guess...

197-If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

hmm...

198-If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?

Something poison haha.

199-If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

I wouldn't do that...

200-You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating 

your arch enemy?

Hahahahhahahahahahaha.... man, this is awesome........ Oh god and now I can't think of anything... Oh god, the pressure.................. haha...

201-If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?

I couldn't tell you, but I can tell you that it won't have no free falling, no sudden downward movements and no overhead elements.

202-What is the first curse word that comes to mind?

F*ck.

203-What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be…

Last party... uhm... St. Paddys day. Dunno about the next one though.

204-Halloween costume idea?

Zombiiiiiiiiiie wohooo

205-How would you spend ten thousand bucks?

Oh my oh my... I'd buy a crapload of pretty things and then start to actually think about it. ^^

206-Press ctrl+v and post:

https://twitter.com/wortliebhaber

207-Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for ten years or someone you 

hate for a month? Explain why.
Well the one-month hate thing might be way easier to handle. You could either avoid eachother which I'm pretty good at or just get rid of the other person which I might as well be able to do XD

208-5 things within touching distance:

- my camera

- a sharpie

- a glass of water

- a makeup brush. Wtf?

- my phone.

209-A drunken story:

"Mom... I'm drunk, I really need to sleep..."

210-What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Oh so many things -____-

211-Currently wanting to see anyone?

Awww yes...

Credit where credit's due.

Yes. This is very much not planned. And very much not what I ever wanted this blog to be about. It did, however, strike me out of nowhere that I need to get this out there:

There are three people out there who deserve to have their faces chiseled on the side of Mount Everest. Large enough to be seen from outer space. At least.

Hans Zimmer.
Clint Mansell.
and
Alan Silvestri.

Now... if you have not heard these names before, never talk to me again. And step into a pit of quicksand. Because I'm pretty sure that you have enjoyed at least some of their achievements without apparently paying them the credit that is due.
Because there three guys are without a doubt in my mind the greatest composers the world has ever seen. Really. Screw Beethoven, hell, even screw Tchaikovsky (who, if you don't know that either, is awesome. Google him!). These guys are better.
And you don't even have to be into classical music to be into it.

I began my love for soundtracks with Requiem of a Dream, really. It's soundtrack was the first ever that I actuall noticed as such, music you could listen to without the annoying distraction by the movie.
So, for a while, Clint Mansell - who is responsible for the tunes, was my utter hero.
I mean, come on, he made this:

What kind of human being is not touched by the magnificence of this incredible buildup??? This song, allthough I've heard it about 5 million times, still gives me the goosebumps!

Now, in numbers alone he hasn't done all too much, but the sheer quality of his composings makes up for the "lack" in quantity.

For example, he made the Soundtracks for:

2000 Requiem for a Dream (well, d'oh!)

2005 Doom (actually, I did not know that untill I researched it just now. Yay! Extra points for awesomeness!)

2006 The Fountain (omgomgomgomgomg!)

2006 Smokin' Aces

aaaaand of course

2010 Black Swan (oh hell yes!)

The next soundtrack I really noticed as such was a rather obvious one, it was this:

Now, this masterpiece was brought to us by Hans Zimmer, and for the first time ever, I started searching the internet for a soundtrack composer to see what else he did. Oh and what a list this guy has to show!

My favorites (since 2000, everything else might get out of hand):

2000 Gladiator (very high up there in my personal ranking!)

2001 Black Hawk Down
2001 Hannibal (come ON!)

2003 Pirates of the Caribbean

2005 Batman Begins (might be one of my favorite ongoing soundtracks, actually!)

2006 Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest

2007 Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End

2008 Batman: The Dark Knight (apparently, the Batman people liked him just as much as I do)

2009 Sherlock Holmes (the movie sucked, the music was still great though)

2009 Illuminati (again, stupid movie, awesome soundtrack)

2010 Inception

2011 Pirates of the Caribbean - On Stranger Tides

2012 The Dark Knight Rises

This is quite amazing, right? Right.

Now, to my shame I have to admit that with the last musical hero on my list, I have been quite ignorant for a while. I saw a movie, heard a good soundtrack and kiiiindasorta automatically implied "Yeah, must be Hans Zimmer. What a genious!"

But just today, I discovered that a bunch of soundtracks that I really liked were in fact made by Alan Silvestri instead.

How I found out, I hear nobody ask?

Well, I was watching Top Gear (love that show!!), heard a tune that I knew, liked but couldn't quite connect with a movie at once, headed over to a page that identifies songs used in TV shows (oh-so-usefull!!!) and stopped dead. The page only listed the composers name and the name of the song. NOT the movie. Which means I still didn't know what I was really looking for, just that Zimmer wasn't among the listed people. Soooooo I went over to youtube to find this:

Oh my oh my! The last 17 seconds alone are freaking amazing! So, as of today, Alan Silvestri completes the Trinity of Awesome.

HIS list is rather nice to look at, too:
2001 The Mummy Returns

2003 Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The cradle of life

2004 Van Helsing (VAN FUCKING HELSING! I LOVE THAT SOUNDTRACK!!!

2007 Beowulf 

2010 A-Team - The Movie

2011 Captain America: The First Avenger

2012 Marvel's The Avengers

Man... Nice work!

The truly amazing thing about classical soundtracks (as opposed to random songs by random bands fitted to the pictures) as I see it is this: It's not just beautifully written music, but it has a very hard job: It HAS to evoke a very specified sort of emotion for the listener. Ever seen a scary movie without the background music? It's fucking BORING. So the job for these guys is to go about creating a song that makes you feel happy, uncomfortable, thrilled, scared or sad and all of that in a very limited setting - the motion picture. I can't imagine how hard this is, which makes the results as we hear them even more incredible.

Another lovely side effect of listening to soundtracks: It takes you places.

Yes, you could argue that of course your brain connects the music you hear to the images you see, especially if you've seen a movie more than once, but that can't be the punchline. Hell, I've BEEN at the Shire, the Matrix, the Caribbean with the characters, all the while sitting, eyes closed, in a dirty subway somewhere in germany. Just look at some of the comments on youtube, there are lots and lots of people writing things like "This makes me feel like I'm a spartan!"... You cannot down-science this with sheer associations.

Oh well... I think I've made myself clear: Never. EVER. Underestimate a soundtrack. And do listen to it for funsies. If you're feeling funky, try to analyse what it's doing to you. And why. And how. And most of all...

* * *

...lean back and enjoy, here are my favorite pieces of cineatic sound-art...

Always capable of brining me to tears... as is this:

well, this one pretty much covers it for Zimmer, right? ;)

oh god this is just heavenly...

notice the tapping sound? For me, this has a highly uncomfortable feel to it. Like the heartbeat of a tiny frightened being.

This is utterly beautiful. When I heard it the first time, I was a bit confused by the slightly oriental touch and wasn't sure if it fitted the movie very well... But screw that, listening to it, don't you just wanna close your eyes and levitate for a bit?

I would have loved to include the track "Journey to Transilvania", but Youtube and the stupid GEMA decided that this might in some way harm anyone.

On to the work of other people...

This one HAS to be here. I used to fall asleep to the The Fellowship Soundtrack. I love the hobbits/shire theme the most. This music is powerfull, it fits incredibly well with the theme and is an opera by itself and thereby almost wasted on a movie.

Ooooh Danny Elfman. <3

to be continued.

People, Part I

Yaay, new category!

Now, before we get started:
This thing has been abandoned for a while. I still get page hits every day. Which, quite frankly, amazes me. Why it has been so inactive lately, I hear nobody ask? Well, it's not like I don't have a crapload of things to whine about, ooooh no no no. But sadly, life is keeping me really really busy these days. And even if I get a break, there always seems to be something that keeps me from blogging. Like this one time, I was on the train and was writing a blog entry about Working in retail. Remember, I promised to do it. Aaand I was on a roll. I was typing like a maniac... when some fucking teenager annoyed me SO much that I got SO angry I started shaking and could neither concentrate on the task ahead nor type properly. Ever since, that entry has remained unfinished.
But today, I decided that despite all my to-do-things, I'd sit down for a few minutes and get another entry going.

By the way:
If you ever read this, stupid kid from the train: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING MORON, I HATE YOU AND I HATE YOUR MOM FOR GIVING BIRTH TO YOU!




Now that that's off my chest............. :)
It's actually a reeeeally good bridge back to: "Yaay, new category!"

Now... People.
Let me explain this: Whenever I start with "People", close friends of mine know that there's a story to come. And most of the times, it's a good one. See, I don't know if I'm a magnet for odd people or if it's just that nobody else gets as excited by the nature of humans as I do and feels the urge to tell others about it. Because I LOVE telling people about weird stuff other people did. And I'm a big storyteller! I'm the Barney Stinson of complaining! Instead of telling everybody about how I got laid by someone, I just tell everybody about how I got annoyed by someone. It's like my "thing" and I've had people ASK me to please collect more odd stories to tell. Seriously.

So, here we go, a new category about odd stories of odd behaviour by odd people I met in my life. Maybe you'll enjoy it. Maybe you won't. Maybe these stories are boring for you, especially since some of them don't have a big showdown at the end or any moral to come out of them except that humans are weird. Most of them don't have an exciting ending to them.
I just collect them in my head because in all seriousness, the behavior of some people astonishes, amazes and captivates me.
(Actually, if YOU, dear reader, have a lovely story about strange people and are willing to write it down, feel very, very free to send it to me and I'll include it in my blog! Yay!!!)


*drummroll*
The Lady on the train
I don't actually remember WHY I just remembered this today and had the urge to blog about this special event, but here it goes:
As some of you may know, my way to university and back home requires me to take a 1.5 hour train trip back and forth. So one day I was at the big train station in my university city and this old lady had two large bags to struggle with, trying to get them into the same train that I had to use. Being raised the way I was raised - thanks, Mom! - of course I asked if I could help her with the bags and eventually carried both of them into the train and to a free area with an easily accessable seat for the lady. I don't recall if she thanked me or not, but let's say she did.
I sat down on the opposite seating row (?), put on my anti-human-bullshit-devices (aka hedphones) and opened a school book, minding my own freaking business. A guy in his fourties sat next to the old lady and they eventually started chatting.

Now, I had my headphones on but no music playing so I could hear them.
And to my utter dismay, it did not take very long for that old hag to start complaining about how fucked up youth was nowadays and how they were all alcoholics and rude and criminals and she probably suggested to shoot all of us. After somebody who's clearly still a part of "youth nowadays" carried her bags and was really polite and all.
Funny enough, the guy she was talking to - who had not been there to witness my act of kindness - pointed at me saying "Well they're not all that bad, look at this young lady reading peacefully."... which led the old fart into another venting spree about how we're all the same.

Fuck you, lady. I hope you remembered me trying to get off the train with your bags.


And since we're talking old folks, here's another story that came to my mind today:
The pretzel thief:
One beautifull day, I was out grocery shopping.
Long story short, I was at the counter, my food was all spread up on the running band thingie and an elderly couple was ahead of me. Somewhere on my part of the band, I had a see-through bag with two "pretzels" (We call them Bretzel and it sorta hurts me to use the american spelling...). The lady from the couple kept eyeing me and the bag, "whispering" stuff to her husband in the loud whisper that I love so much. So I got curious and overheard her tell her husband that I stole their pretzels. Remember, we're BOTH still waiting in line so she hasn't even paid for anyting. The lady eventually gets excited and snatches my bag of pretzels, putting it on top of her stuff. I'm all like "Excuse me, miss?" and she starts yelling at me and accusing me of the riddiculous charge... untill her husband finally steps in telling her that they didn't even have any pretzels in their shopping cart. You'd think the lady would apologise, right? Wrong. She eventually left, still shouting and yelling and I just stood there, completely baffled, with EVERYBODY staring at me. Thanks, Lady, just one more reason why the staff of this store will never forget me.


Enough for today, back to work.